DUE WED. 1/24 Descriptive Paragraph
This is classwork, but I will accept it on Wed. 1/24.
Write a descriptive paragraph about something you like or look forward to.
I stand in a slightly dark room along with hundreds of other people all there, here, to listen to something that we like, and that we can relate to. Watching the inspiring artists sing about what they have experienced and how they feel about life. Jumping and dancing like there is no care in the world, just as a leaf sways through the air, not trying to be anything, just being what it is, what I am. As the instruments get louder and you can feel the beat in you chest, like the walking of a great giant through a wooden floored hall, you can feel the excitement in the room. You can’t even hear yourself scream the lyrics as you can’t really pay attention to your actions as the music takes over your body. Sharp sounds and soothing remedies all add up to thee overpowering pulse going through your veins that brings warmth until the end of the cold winter night.
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1 comment:
Susie,
Very nice. Thanks for sharing this. You asked for advice on how to improve it, but I don’t really have much. There are some typos, like “remedies” when I think you meant “melodies,” but overall I think it is very effective. My favorite part was how you describe people at the concert as “jumping and dancing … just as a leaf sways through the air, not trying to be anything, just being what it is.” I think that is very good. I wish we could all be like those leaves or those concert goers. By the way, what concert inspired you to write this?
Remember that what you write on the blog, including what you have in your personal profile, is public and that other teachers or parents might read it. You should rewrite your personal profile with this in mind.
Mr. J
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